


Liaison

by RandomWriterPerson



Category: Tales of Vesperia
Genre: Angst, F/M, Judith knows everything, Mutually Unrequited, Slow To Update, Underage Sex, Unrequited
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-20
Updated: 2017-03-19
Packaged: 2018-05-22 01:50:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6066148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RandomWriterPerson/pseuds/RandomWriterPerson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU. Game-verse. They had always communicated better in the darkness anyway...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Liaison

Chapter 1 | Liaison | 2,846 words |  
AU game timeline | Unbeta-ed (not many friends who are into this fandom)  
Spoiler | M rating | Angst | implied sexual relations with a minor

 

* * *

 

_When did it start?_

. . .

Darkness _._

He has her pinned to the wall, his lips mercilessly attacking the soft skin of her neck.

She braces her hands on his shoulders, as her legs lose their ability to remain upright.

When had this thing  _(affair?)_  started?

_Affair? Liaison? They can't call it a relationship, it's anything but..._

 

* * *

 

_When did this start?_

She did not know, nor did she want to anymore. All she had known was that at one point in time they barely got along, barely agreed on anything; almost constantly at each other's throats with a snappy comeback or sarcastic remark ready at hand at all times for retaliation.

_Hell, he'd even accused her of thievery! Like she didn't have better things to do, like Research!_

And the next she knew

_When was that? She couldn't care less anymore, not since her brain decide to rebel against her when she needed it the most_

He had her pinned to the wall of some dark alley corner

_Or was it in some random cave they'd passed by?_

Her arms in a tight hold above her head, his mouth crashing against hers violently, his cool soft lips moving against her own rough chapped ones.

_How many times had it been since they'd first… kissed…? could it even be called that?_

Then things escalated.

 

* * *

 

_She didn't want to anyway. Why would she?_

Everyday.

Every, single, fucking, day, every night; ever since that day.

_Why?_

She didn't know. She didn't want to know.

All she knew was that she didn't understand anything. It confused her, people were not her strong point.

_She's a genius when it comes to Blastia and research, but when it comes to people, she draws a complete blank? It's just so stupid it isn't even funny._

Worst of all, she doesn't understand herself.

Every night, it happens every night

_sometimes even in the day_

Once a day

_maybe more_

he comes to her, or on rare occasions, she goes to him

_If she's sleeping, she will somehow miraculously wake up just as he returns to the room they all slumber in, perhaps due to the sound of footsteps?_

And they'll head out for a walk, a talk, then for some reason it turns into…  _that_

 _She won't name it, she can't. She doesn't even know what_ it _is_

Yet she's never asked herself why she doesn't just simply refuse him, and even more puzzling to her is the fact that she seeks him out when he doesn't come to her.

It's gotten to the point where it feels like a daily ritual, routine, call it what you will.

_A cycle she can't break_

And it makes her wonder how in Terca Lumeris is she able to interact and speak with him so normally the next day.

 _As though_ it _never happened, as though_  it _wouldn't happen again later..._

Her mind starts working overdrive; she can't seem to be able to gather her thoughts enough to think up a thesis for her research.

_She's supposed to be working on the formulas to control the rampaging aer flow damn it! Not go on an emotional field trip!_

She doesn't know why she doesn't just simply tell him 'No.

. . .

_... sigh..._

All she knows is that she can't seem to deny his plea for comfort when he looks into her eyes, and she wonders at times if he's just there to torment her.

She starts questioning her sanity

_Because no one in the right mind would even consent to this_

She knows it's wrong, it's morally unright, immoral, illegal even

_She's still a minor despite how she might act... Maybe they should have considered that factor before that line was crossed..._

So then why? Why can't she just stop it?

It's a stupid question, one she should not have even bothered to ask. She knows why, she knows the reason; the same reason she doesn't stop him, the same reason she keeps going back for more. It makes her feel dirty, and at times when they stop by for a break, when she's able to wash up, she feels this urge, this need to scrub herself raw, scrub away the imaginary filth that plagues her mind and body. She can't explain it, but she feels grimy even after she's taken a shower, she knows it all just in her head, her body is clean as white, yet she can't seem to get rid of that feeling

_As though something that has the same properties as mud had clung onto her skin permanently..._

Ughhh… when did things get so complicated? Life was easier before when all she had to deal with was blastia and not people. At least she could sleep, and dedicate all of her energy to her research, when did her life suddenly make such a drastic turn?

Oh wait… stupid question  _again._ How could she forget the day the band of idiots that she now calls 'friends'

_or so she used to remember calling them that way in her mind, makes things easier, helps to bury all the unwanted thoughts, the only idiot really remaining in the group is Karol anyway_

barged into her shack one day and decided to 'investigate'.

_She stopped them short of course, a small fireball was enough to scare that kid so much she thought he'd wet his pants._

Yet somehow remembering that now brings a smile to her face. Sure it annoyed her, and her life took a huge turn after that, but in a way, it felt as though she couldn't separate herself from them…

_…And him._

. . .

_Oh shit!_

No!

_Not again!_

She shut her eyes tight, trying to will away the memories that had suddenly assaulted her.

_No, it's better to keep them buried, makes life easier for her._

She won't be reminded of what's been happening recently, won't be reminded of what would most likely once again happen later on. It's enough that she can't stop it, even more that she...

_Dare she even say it?_

... Craves for it...

Like a kid going back again to the same candy store for more of the sweet goodies that store has to offer.

_It feels like an addiction, her mind says no, but her body ignores her mind and moves anyway. Then there's this other factor about her… feelings… and… her… hea-_

NO.

_No. Stop there. Damn it! Stop that train of thought!_

This would only complicate things further, don't think about it right now Rita Mordio! Don't even go there. That is one territory best left unexplored!

. . .

How did her life end up in such a mess?

There were times she wondered if it would have been better if they'd never met. She wouldn't have to deal with all of this, she could just remain as she was, giving her all to Blastia and thinking about nothing else.

No, it wouldn't have, maybe it was this thing people like to call 'fate' or was it 'destiny'? Ughh, what is she even saying now? That's so unscientific, there is no evidence that such a thing exists, and it is illogical.

_That's right; she's a logic person, not someone who goes about throwing around such words that have no real basis around them._

As hard as she may try to deny this, she knew, that while their meeting was purely coincidental, purely a play on chance, that no matter what, she would have met them one way or another.

_Heh… Fate…_

Was she fated to meet them? Meet him? This really would have all been so much easier if she wasn't 'fated' to do so. What IS fate anyway? Sounds almost like it's something that's already been predetermined. Argh! All of this is starting to give her a headache, she's starting to sound illogical herself.

 _Not good._ Not _good, better stop right there Rita Mordio, you'll just end up frustrated with no answers, it's just not worth it._

Up until then she had been staring at the ceiling, the back of her head against the wall behind her as she sat on one of those luxurious beds in the room. Closing her eyes briefly she let her mind wander.

She knew she shouldn't have done so, doing this would only bring back an onslaught of memories she'd rather have erased from her mind. But what else could she do? They were in Heliord for the day, and would most likely spend the night here. She was in the room that they had paid for to spend the night in. It was a huge room with a magnificent view.

_At least everyone will be sleeping in the same room..._

Right, not like that has ever stopped them from their... activities... before.

. . .

Everyone was out, either just helping about the civilians with the constructions or just hanging around to have some fun amongst themselves. She opted to stay in the room, there wasn't much she could do out there, there was no Blastia to inspect or research, ever since that time it went berserk, everything seems to be fine. And people were not her strong point, having to 'mingle' was not her thing. It won't be for a few hours before anyone comes back, having some time to herself without all the usual racket going about was always a bonus.

But sometimes, she wondered if things would be different if she was more… sociable.

_Heh, not possible, time has taught her time and time again that trusting people only resulted in getting hurt..._

_... Then again, wasn't that what's happening now?_

Amongst them all, he was the one she trusted the most, he was the one she confided in the most, and he was the one that now knew her better than anyone else had in the past 15 years of her life. She was sure not even her parents knew that much about her, not that they were even around anymore...

_Sure she didn't tell him much, just the bare minimum, but that was the most that she had ever told anyone; not even the princess or the Krytian._

Perhaps it was because he had a way of making people trust him, somehow reassuring them that his lips would always be sealed. Or perhaps it was because the two of them were similar in many ways… But whatever it was, it resulted in this mess they were both in right now.

. . .

_Footsteps_

Perhaps it was due to the expanse of the room that the acoustics allowed her to hear the echoing of footsteps of someone walking up the stairs, well that, and her hearing is slightly better than your average human, I mean, how else do you protect yourself and your research from thieves? Especially in that little research shack pretty much in the middle of nowhere. But the thing was, the footsteps were echoing towards this direction.

Could they be back already? That was fast. She might have wanted a little more time to herself, but if they would keep down the level of their boisterousness she wouldn't mind it so much. Plus, if she remembered, Yuri told them to all come back only after they've had their dinner. They were low on supplies and couldn't really afford to cook, not to mention that Heliord's shops was severely lacking in certain ingredients needed to make a proper meal

_And no, Sandwiches and Crepes don't count... apparently..._

. . .

_Right… Yuri… He was kinda like their leader, in a way. But… No. Nevermind, it's best not to go there._

She wondered who might be coming back

_Estelle maybe?_

Perhaps, but it seemed unlikely, the princess enjoyed lending a helping hand to others, though sometimes it felt as though it was her sole reason for living. Then perhaps it was Judith, that was possible, while she knew how to have fun and mostly at the expense of others, the Dragon Rider did enjoy her quiet moments for all her boisterous personality. The old man seemed the most unlikely of the lot, not to mention that that brat's probably with him.

The footsteps stopped right outside the door, following with it the sound of the door handle rattling. Then a creak as it was pushed open to allow the visitor _(intruder?)_  into the room.

"So that's where you've been all this time Rita? Just lazing about in the room while everyone's outside having fun?"

An amused voice, she could practically her the laughter in his words.

Her eyes turned their attention to the owner of the new noise, despite having already recognized who it was by their voice.

_Speak of the devil and here he comes..._

She wasn't expecting to see him here… wait then again thinking back, she had intentionally excluded him from the possible candidates didn't she?

_Made things easier for her to deal with..._

"What is it to you?"

An eyebrow raised, and perhaps she did not mean for her words to sound as harsh as it had when it left her lips.

"Whoa, someone's in a bad mood, relax, I'm just asking."

She let out a breath she had not known she was holding.

"What do you want Yuri?" her voice losing its hard edge as she spoke in a softer tone.

"Nothing, just wondering where you've been all this time; and then I find you here"

A shrug.

"You know as well as I do that socializing isn't really my thing, just wanted some time to my thoughts that's all"

An audible sigh.

"I know you like your solitude Rita, but would it kill you for once to just get out and have some fun? Estelle has been asking for you, wondering where her best friend had wandered off to on her own."

Her eyes looked away.

"Best friend, huh…" a brief pause as she blew out a sigh. "Just tell her I've been sleeping in the room or something if you must."

"Okay."

He made no move to leave, instead walking towards the interior of the room.

... Towards her...

"Aren't you going to pass my message to her?"

"Nope"

"Huh?"

"I came back to the room to get some rest after all, what reason would I have to go back out there?"

"Right"

She once again diverted her attention to the ceiling, her eyes just tracing the patterns carved into the surface

_It was getting harder to see them, the lights are off, and the sky's just getting darker..._

She heard him enter, and the door closing behind him with a soft click.

"So what have you been doing in here?"

"Thinking…"

"For the past three hours?" A raised eyebrow.

"I guess so."

The conversation stops there, neither has anything to say. She hears his footsteps walking to the bed next to her own and then it stops, the sound of springs creaking beneath the mattress follow it. Then the two were once again submerged in silence.

The room was only getting darker, the sun had set by now, yet neither could be bothered to get the lights. But the situation was getting dangerous; at least that was how she felt that it was for her. They were alone, only the two of them in this expanse of a room, she could feel it, slowly creeping on her,

_That same unexplainable urge that happens every night, the same feeling that results in the ritual that happens every night._

_The same damn situation they found themselves in night after night, day after day without knowing how they got there, only that they made no conversation during or after it, as though pretending that it had never happened, only for it to occur again the next day._

She was getting twitchy; her body was starting to betray her mind. She tried to find something, anything to distract herself from this heat that was gradually growing in her, heat she knew all too well, heat that she could feel pooling in areas she refuses to mention with words, unmentionable heat and the tightening in her chest that was starting to make breathing difficult.

Closing her eyes once again, she prayed for the darkness to take her. She was not religious in anyway, but in this moment she wished and prayed with all her heart to whatever God or deity out there for anyone, anything to distract her from thinking about  _it._

Then her eyes opened once more. Staring into the blank ceiling, watching as the last of daylight gets devoured by the shadows and darkness... and silence...

She warily turns her head into  _his_  direction, sparing but a glance, and hoping he wouldn't notice. She watches him as he watches the shadows crawl about the ceiling and wonders if he is thinking about the same things she is. If he is silent because he knows and doesn't need to ask, because some things are much better left unanswered...

_They have always communicated better in darkness, after all..._


	2. Warmth

Chapter 2| Warmth | 1702 words |

AU Cannon | Unbeta-ed (not many friends who are into this fandom)

Spoiler | M rating | Angst | Semi-graphic depictions of sexual relations with a minor

**See end of chapter for more information**

* * *

 

 

She feels him

_... everywhere..._

 

His weight

_On top of her..._

 

His breath

_Around her..._

 

His warmth

_Surrounding her..._

_..._

_. . . Inside her. . ._

_..._

 

The heat is almost overwhelming as they move against each other.

 

_In... out..._

 

It is almost funny how such a simple act of movement could result in such complications and emotions. How such a supposedly intimate act could be summarized into two of the most basic words that a child learns before school...

 

_In... out..._

 

How is it that two simple words could generate so much heat...

 

...so much friction...

 

_In... out..._

 

How could two words instill such feelings of guilt? Result in the worst kind of betrayal?

 

_In... out..._

 

Dumb question, the same way this act is supposed to be the most intimate of acts, performed only by lovers, with a significant other, with someone in a long committed relationship...

 

...The same way that most refer to as...

 

_In... out..._

 

Stupid questions only result in stupid answers; she knows that, she knows that...

 

_In... out.._

 

She knows that...

 

sheknowsthatsheknowsthatSHEKNOWSTHAT!!

 

_In... out..._

 

Her breath quickens, they've done this so many times that she knows what it means...

 

_...she knows she's close..._

 

Fabric wrinkles and distorts under her hands, her fingers twists the material with each moment she gets closer...

 

_Quiet... she needs to be quiet..._

 

Not even two hundred metres away, their friends (comrades) lie in slumber, completely oblivious

 

Oblivious to the illicit affair happening right under their noses...

 

Her grip tightens even more, fingers fisting into the cloth material under them as she bites into her lip to prevent any obscene sounds from escaping through them

 

_a slight metallic tang touches her tongue_

 

The gentleness was lost a long time ago, the two of them almost feral as their arousal climbs higher and higher to its peak and then...

 

_Heat... so much heat..._

 

White hot searing heat...

 

That is all that registers in their minds during these moments

_Breaths escaping in short bursts, noise threatening to escape in disguise_

 

Her cries are muffled into the fabric on his shoulder and she bites harshly as she shudders and trembles violently, short breaths turning into desperate gaspings

 

_The now familiar liquid warmth coats her insides and fills her..._

 

Her inner muscles throb in tandem with her quickened pulse rate

 

_Irrefutable evidence of their sin_

 

She can feel him still throbbing, pulsing, her muscles still contracting and clenching, unwilling to let go...

 

_...In... out..._

 

The air between them still heated even as they attempted to regulate their breathing

 

_...In... out..._

 

The throb slows into an ebb and flow, breathing slows, heart rates slowly returning to normal

 

_...In... out..._

 

Ironic how those same two words that could be used to illustrate the most intimate act of two could also be used to describe the most basic of human functions...

 

_...In... out..._

 

The almost unbearable heat cools to average body warmth... overbearing turns into comforting and suffocating into relaxing

 

_...In... out..._

 

Breathing slows. Heat cools. She still feels him inside her...

 

...Twitching, swollen, throbbing...

 

_...Hard..._

He moves, as though to withdraw from her, only to reenter but a mere second later

 

_...In... out..._

 

And it repeats again, that endless cycle of heat and movement and ever present feelings of guilt and betrayal and...

 

_...In... out..._

 

She notes detachedly that he never looked directly at her during the duration of their encounter

 

_After all, she's only a replacement..._

 

Her body shudders as cold air meets warm skin...

 

. . .

 

It is but a few hours to the vestiges of dawn by the time she returns to her tent. Sky still dark but clouds are outlined by the faintest presence of light. She crawls into the sleeping mat and pulls the furs over her body. She shivers and trembles under the covers, for an entirely different reason than temperature.

 

_She is sweating_

 

Her body aches

 

_She feels empty, cold, dirty_

 

_...Used..._

The urge to throw off the covers to head for a wash in the river is overwhelming. She can still feel the stickiness of their sweat, smell the scent of his musk on her skin and burying herself under the blankets only seems to act as an incubator to keep everything cocooned in. Then she felt it...

_The evidence of everything that had just transpired was slowly leaking out of her, already staining into her clothes, forming a damp patch in her underclothes. It's warm, slimy, it makes her clench her thighs together to try to prevent any more yet the friction only starts to make her throb in want all over again._

 

And suddenly the covers are thrown off violently, and she starts ravaging through her belongings for a set of new clothes and any form of cleaning supplies before rushing out of her tent as quickly as her legs could carry her to the nearest body of clean water, tossing her clothes and belonging off to the side despite the urge to wash them as well. Her desperation in getting the clothes off make her feel as though she could not get them off her body fast enough that she starts ripping them off her body, she might have torn a few seams along the way. She stares at the clothing in disdain one last time before diving into the water, submerging herself fully for a minute

 

_Stillness, silence, tranquility..._

As the coolness of the water seep into her senses, her mind starts being coherent again. The frenzied haze of desperation just a moment ago felt like naught but a far away nightmare.

 

It wasn't until she had come up for air that she realised that in her desperation to wash herself that it had not registered into her senses that the water was ice cold.

 

She shivers simply from the cold this time.

 

Submerging herself entirely into the cold water had helped

 

_Her mind starts being coherent again_

 

The haze that had clouded her vision not just a moment ago, no longer blinded her. The voice that had been screaming at her so loudly in her head that she swore she could physically hear it has once again faded back into nothing but a passing whisper.

 

She submerges herself fully once again this time keeping her eyes open under the aquatic utopia.

 

_She opens her eyes and all she sees before her is blue._

_It relaxes her..._

_She is calm._

 

This time when she comes up out of the water, she reaches for the wash cloth and starts to meticulously scrub herself, washing away the sweat and heat with the cool water. The throb of unwanted arousal ebbs away, the lust and heat fades. She feels _it_ escape her body, this time not doing anything to halt the flow as it steadily leaks out from within her, now cooled by the surrounding temperature.

 

It was a few minutes before the flow slows and steadies into a trickle till it finally stops, did she bring the wash cloth down to swipe and give the sensitive skin a quick clean. With arousal no longer clouding her mind and her body cooled, the act no longer feels anything other than a clinical act of hygiene.

 

_She is calm now, she can do this._

She focuses on the sound of the river flowing, of water crashing against rocks and allows her body and mind to relax. She takes her time to cleanse herself, allowing herself to soak in the cool water as she feels her her entire body temperature cool to match its surroundings. She loses track of time, not noticing how long she had remained in the water until she had lifted a hand to swipe away at her wet bangs only to feel rough and wrinkled skin.

 

Getting out of the water she wrings the water from the wash cloth and set in upon a nearby rock while she changes into the new set of clothes. Her eyes stray to the clothing she had none to gently discarded minutes ago and heaved a heavy sigh before walking over to the pick them up; gently fingering the material as she checked for torn seams. She noticed a slight odour of sweat and other scents.

 

_She distracts her mind away from the sticky residue on the piece of cloth_

 

She contemplates burning them in the campfire for a while. They hadn't rested in a town for a few days now and would most likely not find another for the next day or so.

 

_They were filthy anyway_

 

The fact that the pieces of clothes are simply a reminder of her sin was just another reason for her to get rid of the evidence.

 

_Evidence of her betrayal..._

 

She glares holes into the fabric before sighing heavily and throwing them into the water, using soap to form as much suds and foam as possible when she began to wash them.

 

When she was satisfied she wrung out the excess water before carrying the damp clothes along with any other belongings after she got changed, setting them up in front of the campfire to dry over the next few hours. A small fireball reignited the dying embers while she set up a small makeshift clothes line in front of the fire for the damp clothes. Satisfied with her work, she headed back for her tent, hoping to catch a few hours of rest before setting off for the next area later in the day.

 

. . .

 

It is past noon by the time they set out for the nearest town.

 

She gathers up her now dry clothes to pack them up with her belongings,

 

Exiting the tent to prepare to take it down, she hears the distant voices of him being lectured by the princess again for one thing or another

 

_She notices the tenderness in his eyes and the gentleness in smile as he looks at her_

 

Something inside her tenses, it starts to hurt

 

_Almost physically_

 

Yet for some reason, she is unable to turn away from the sight.

 

_She tries to ignore it; pretend she doesn't understand why..._

_But she does_...

 

Her fisted hands tremble, she feels cold and shivers

 

_...It was the middle of summer..._

 

_. . ._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sloppy, shorter than I would have liked... I'm sorry  
> Truth is... I tried writing it longer... it felt like it went off topic so I cut out 3 paragraphs in between.  
> This is the end result...  
> Title name is supposed to indicate the irony and I should just shut up now...


	3. Reminiscence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3| Reminiscence | 7748 words |  
> AU game timeline | Unbeta-ed (not many friends who are into this fandom)  
> Spoiler | M rating | Angst | Mentions of torture, abuse and attempted rape of a minor

_She had never been stranger to the carnal desires of men_

_Men were creatures who stole, killed and destroyed for their own pleasure_

_They were creatures who only cared about_ _their interests_ _and never the consequences of what it took_

_They would only_ _take and take... and take_

_They would take all until the land was barren._

_Then continue this vicious cycle by_ _finding another land to ravage with their carnage again._

 

**It was what she had known.**

**It was what** **she had learned from her experiences with them**

 

_. . ._

 

_Even from a young age she had been smart, smarter than others._

**Much, much smarter**

_While other children were busy learning how to read and write, she had been doing blastia arithmetics and calculating the input_ _and_ _output algorithms in her head while bringing up the console._

**Bohdi Blastia was what they called** **them** **.**

_She would play with the equipment embedded with_ _those_ _spheres of different colours lying around the house where she_ _supposedly_ _lived in._

_Walking towards them, triggering the control panels before she even understood they were._

_The numbers and symbols that appeared on the console_ _should not have been anything more than_ _gibberish to her._

_But she had understood_ _just as though they_ _were in her native language._

… **A prodigy, they had called her...**

_It was a small town just out of the way from the_ _grounds of the herds_

_It didn't have a barrier blastia, didn't need one._

_Only the occasional stragglers from the herd would wander by._

_They didn't need a barrier; the people who fought with the bohdi blastia were enough._

_She doesn't remember much of the place._

… **Nothing of her parents...**

_She knows she_ _had_ _them_

_After all_ _which_ _child doesn't_

_Children_ _need a mother to bear and a father to sire_

… **But she** **doesn't** **remember...**

_Not how they looked,_ _not how they_ _sounded,_ _not even how they_ _felt to the touch._

**Had she even seen them** **before?**

_Sometimes she_ _prefers_ _to think she was an orphan_ _,_ _it_ _makes it easier_ _to block out the questions in her head as to why she doesn't have a single memory of them_

**She remembers the town**

_Remembers_ _the dusty old books and tomes she used to pull off the shelves in the small library_

_She remembers a_ _hand ruffling_ _her head_ _calling her a genius_

_She remembers that_ _it was_ _in_ _a warm place surrounded by greenery._

… **She remembers** **how it burned...**

_They came_ _in the_ _night,_ _dragged_ _women and children out of their bed by_ _her_ _hair kicking and screaming_

… **Bandits...**

_She remembers_ _the screams and shouts_

_Remembers_ _the heat of the_ _fires_ _as raging embers_ _licked_ _the roofs of homes and buildings_

_She remembers being woken roughly_ _by a_ _'someone'  
_ _to the screams of the carnage as the smell of smoke_

_She remembers_ _being told something by that same someone before they clasped something around her neck telling her that it's a charm that will protect her._

_And that she was told to run._

_And she obeyed_

_She ran, and ran and ran_

_As far as her legs could take her_

 

_**Away from the screams** _

_**Away from the disaster** _

 

_She ran until she could no longer smell the smoke in the air._

_Till she collapsed out of exhaustion wherever she laid…_

… _**And darkness claimed her…**_

 

_. . ._

 

_She didn't know how long had passed until she woke, could have been hours or perhaps even days. But a glance at the scenery around her had told her that she was in a forest somewhere._

_Having escaped with literally only the clothes on her back she tried to find a way to navigate through the dense terrain of trees, looking for signs to indicate whether she was nearing the exit, or trudging deeper in by the types of foliage around her._

_She knew she was most definitely lost and was just about to give up for the day when she bumped into a young man that didn't seem past his late teens. She couldn't remember the exact details of what was said, but she had decided to allow him to lead her out of the woods._

_He had seemed nice enough, trying to make friendly conversation with her, she had been taught from a young age not to trust strangers, but she was lost and desperate to get out before the monsters got to her._

**And so she followed him...**

_By the time they got out of the woods, it was dark. He'd convinced her that he had food and that they could make a fire and camp for the night._

_Being exhausted and hungry, she took up on the offer against her better judgment._

_Before the darkness could claim her for the night, she caught a glimpse of the small sphere embedded in his armband in the corner of her eye_

**... Bohdi Blastia...**

_The next day she was ready to set out again once more to wherever the nearest town was, hoping that she could find a place to house her or maybe even take her in. Just as she was about to thank him and leave she was stopped and he'd managed to convince her that he was also heading in that direction and that they could travel there together._

_She had agreed, more out of the fact that she knew she wouldn't be able to handle any attacks along the way on her own, especially not at her age._

_And so they began their travel. It was only for a mere few days, but in that short time together, she had begun to see him as an older brother figure of sorts, even if she could not remember if she had had any. He fended off any monsters that came by them on his own. Helped to keep her fed and alive, and taught her the basics of survival._

**None of which she barely even remembered anymore**

_It was when they could see a glimpse of the town nearby that he suddenly made a weird suggestion of a detour, something about how the monster herds were nearby and were too much for him alone._

_They had headed towards the caverns then._

… **That was the first mistake...**

_As they neared the cave, she could see bands of armed men_

_She could remember cowering in fear as he pushed her on, convincing her that they were his friends and would let them through._

_When they reached the entrance, the men came up to him and patted him on the back, congratulating him for making it back._

_And then there was an ache in the back of her head_

_**And everything went dark...** _

 

* * *

 

_The next time she woke, she found herself bound in chains and in a cage or a cell of sorts._

_She saw the boy who had travelled with her amongst the men, they were drinking and singing, shouting and laughing as she could hear faint screams and shouts of a higher pitch in the background._

_A look around showed a horrible scene of several young girls and women in various states of undress_

**... Lacerations and bruises could be seen where skin peeked out from beneath the cloths...**

_The implications of what had happened to them were clear as day._

_It was clear what had happened to them was a preview of what was going to happen to her_

_She felt anger boiling up within her, she raged and screamed and cursed as she tried to claw her way out of those chains_

 

_She was so_ _**STUPID** _

**WHAT. AN. IDIOT.**

 

_The laughters of the men and the boy drowned out her screams_

_**The boy...** _

_She was betrayed by that boy she was just beginning to trust._

 

… **Her first betrayal…**

_And it scarred her deeply_

 

Never again

_Never again was she ever going to trust another human being_

 

_**NEVER AGAIN...** _

 

… _**Never again...**_

 

* * *

 

_How long has it been since then..._

**Days? Weeks? Months?**

_**...Years...?** _

 

_The men that came for her had never taken her into the inner chambers of the cave_

_She knew it was simply because of her age that had protected her from that form of abuse_

_But that didn't mean she was treated any better than the rest._

… **No... not at all…**

If anything, she carried the most number of bruises and scars out of the rest

 

_**... Chained...** _

_**... Beaten...** _

_**... Starved...** _

 

_She was practically their outlet for entertainment and their punching bag_

_They found... other ways... to entertain themselves with her..._

_**Since they couldn't rape her...yet...** _

_Days blurred into weeks, and weeks into months…_

 

… _**Months into years...**_

 

_Time no longer had any meaning_

_Everything felt like a dream from the moment she was taken_

… **A nightmare...**

 

_She knows that years had probably passed, despite having no sense of time; the physical changes in her body were obvious._

_Her legs were a little longer, hands a little bigger and firmer... even her body..._

… **She stood a little taller…**

_Her hair had grown out..._

 

_The wounds that riddled her body had increased with every passing day; some were already long healed and left a mark, others were fresh and barely started the healing process only for them to be reopened again later._

_And every once in a while he would come by; enter her cell, touch her, and run his hands over her body in the mocking form of a caress to force a response out her._

_She would simply stand there and let him do whatever he wanted until he got bored and left her alone again as she knew he couldn't lay a hand on her in the way he wanted most_

 

… **And she knew he wanted her that way…**

_**IT DISGUSTED HER** _

 

_Then came that one day when she was finally dragged out of her cage and towards the direction of the inner chambers. And the realisation sets in on her that that she was no longer a child..._

_That she had grown enough that her age was no longer a protection against her greatest fear_

_She had known that the men had no qualms about performing sexual acts with minors_

**And she had been the smallest of the lot**

_But her age and the fact that she had just barely outgrown the ages of a toddler at the time was what kept them from laying their hands on her._

_**But she didn't have that protection anymore** _

_When she was brought into the room, she realised that the one standing in front of her was that same boy that had helped her all those years ago…_

**It finally dawns on her that he would be the first…**

_She struggled and pulled against their grip as hard as she could_

**But they were stronger than her**

_The rest of the men threw her on to the table and restrained her already chained hands but otherwise made no other move on her._

_She felt the boy, now a young man crawl atop her, straddling her between his legs as he proceeds to touch her in the same way he does every time._

_She remembers struggling, despite knowing she was unable to do anything, that they would at least grow impatient with her and knock her out or kill her so she wouldn't have to feel the experience_

_She remembers him touching her, running his hands up and down her undeveloped body making her tether the line between disgust and arousal._

_She remembers the despair of giving up and resigning to her fate_

… **Praying it would be over soon…**

 

_It wasn't until she felt something… there… and usual feeling of those fingers being replaced with something hot and hard and was pushing into her painfully_

… _**As though she was being torn apart into two from inside**_

 

She screamed...

and screamed

and **SCREAMED**

 

_And she screamed until the she physically couldn't anymore and a bright flash engulfed her vision._

_The last thing she saw before the white was the look of horror spreading across his face_

… _**She feels her lips twist into a smirk…**_

 

_. . ._

 

_An indefinite amount of time has passed before she finally woke up again._

**The scene around her was utter bedlam.**

_Sitting up on the table she could see remains of all the men who were in the room and more outside near the entrance to the room._

_There were corpses in various states, some were charred beyond recognition, others had been impaled on huge stalagmites protruding from the ground whereas a few others appeared to have been ripped apart by something that tore right through them before the skin gave way. The ones that were closest to her seemed to have suffered all forms of elemental torture before eventually succumbing to their wounds. There were still a few who had survived, but wouldn't be for long if their wounds were anything to go by._

_Her would-be rapist was on the ground his face had been charred beyond recognition while his genitals appear to have been ripped from him and were laying on the table still between her legs. His limbs appeared to have been shattered and his chest completely caved in seemingly crushed by a huge impact to his sternum._

**Her eyes scanned the room, taking in the sight of the gore around her.**

_The urge to simply run and never look back was overwhelming. However she also had the urge to survey the damage as well as what could have caused it.._

_**... Out of morbid curiousity...** _

_Doing her best to maneuver around the corpses, she noticed that the blastia on some of the men in the room were glowing it was then she was aware of the slight pulsing around her neck._

_It dawned upon her that she was the one responsible for this gruesome art piece._

_That in her desperation to escape her fate, her mind just flashed through any form of offensive magic formula hoping that any one of the blastia equipment by the men would react to her cries_

_It turns out that it did._

… **They ALL did...**

_And the result was the carnage that was now before her..._

… **Her first kill...**

_She cautiously made her way out of the room..._

… _**Only to find that the prisoner chambers was also pure utter bedlam...**_

_She had found it uncannily quiet when she had woken up, usually the cave would be filled with moans and groans of either pain or pleasure._

_She found her answer to that unasked question in the scene before her._

_It would appear that the other prisoners were not spared from her wrath, no matter how it was unintended towards them._

_Killing the men, she could handle. Every single one of them were rotten to the core, they deserved it._

_But these women_

_These women were simply victims._

_Innocent victims exposed to the mercilessness of men_

… **Innocent...**

_Her body reacted then, forcing her to throw up everything that was in the system until she was dry heaving when she no longer had anything to expel._

 

_**Innocent... They were innocent** _

**And she had KILLED them...**

 

_She ran then, as fast as her legs could carry her away from that place_

She ran

and ran

and _**RAN**_

 

... Until she had started to dry heave again before eventually collapsing out of exhaustion...

 

_. . ._

 

_How much time had passed since then, she wasn't sure…_

_When she regained consciousness this time, it was to soft linens against her back and her head propped up against something firm yet soft at the same time. She tried to open her eyes only to find that the sudden brightness and only caused her to squeeze them shut again as she let out a soft groan._

_"You're awake"_

**She turns her head slowly opening her eyes into a squint in the direction of the new voice.** **She opens her mouth to try to speak but managed nothing more than raspy breaths through her lips.**

_"Take it easy, don't force yourself to speak just yet. I don't know what could have caused it, actually I could probably guess… but the lining of your larynx was torn and even parts of your vocal cords were damaged when we found you. We have healed it of course, but it would be a few days before you would be able to speak normally again"_

_The voice, which she had recognised as female from her gentle tone, was surprisingly rather soothing to her ears. It was a huge welcome compared to the years she had spent in that place where the only female voices she could hear were either screams or sounds of pain or pleasure._

_"You should get some more rest, we'll talk more later. I'll leave some food and water here for you, eat them later after you wake up, you'll need some energy for our talk later"_

_She gave a slight nod in acknowledgement before hearing a short clutter somewhere next to her before the woman walks out of the room, once again pulling the curtains of the entrance to the room close._

_She closes her eyes and welcomes the darkness_

 

_. . ._

 

_It felt as though only mere hours had passed since she was last awake._

_She slowly blinks her eyes open, realising that it's darker outside as compared to the last time she had awoken. Her eyes were staring straight into the ceiling, realising for the first time that instead of the grey stone of the cave and cage she had grown so used to seeing, it was a shade of blue that was somehow surprisingly relaxing to her._

_She blinks at it_

_**... and continues to stare at the ceiling...** _

_She does not know how much time has passed while she stared at the blue._

_She does not understand how a simple colour could be so therapeutic…_

_Realising she hadn't had food or water in days, she swallows._

**... her throat feels like sandpaper...**

_Remembering the woman's words from earlier, she looks to her right and sure enough she sees that there was a tray with a bowl and a glass of water atop it._

_Forcing strength into her arms as she tried to sit up on the bed, her hands first reached for the glass of water as soon as she managed an upright position._

_She takes small sips from the glass, knowing that with the condition of her throat that gulping down huge amounts of water at a go would only make it worse._

_Despite the small sips the cool clean water felt like heaven._

_Turning to reach for the tray next, she realised that the soup was still slightly warm_

… _**It was odd, the soup should have been cooled by now...**_

_She took a spoonful, savoring the taste of the creamy texture and the mild flavors of the soup upon her tongue._

**It was simply heavenly; she hadn't had anything like it in a long time.**

_Just as she was reaching for her third spoonful, the sound of the curtains being pulled made her look up at the intruder._

_"Oh don't mind me, go ahead and take your time. It's been two days since you last woken up, I'll just be doing a little bit of cleaning then we can talk after you're done"_

_With that she gave a small smile and left the room again._

_She returned her attentions to the soup. It now made sense why the soup was still warm_

… _**Must have been a new batch made just earlier...**_

_The quiet clanging of spoon against bowl was all that filled the room for a while._

_She was just about to finish the last of the soup when the woman came back in_

_"I'm glad to see you're awake, and I see that you took my advice to heart too"_

_A closer look at the woman told her that this person wasn't a woman at all, but in fact a girl just several years older than her. She appeared to be of average build with bright brown eyes and a gentle smile, a mane of lighter brown pulled into a bun and donned in an odd design of robes that came with a hood of sorts._

_Her mind was full of questions as to who these people were, where she currently was, how did she end up here..._

_She moved her lips to form the words and forced breath through her throat to voice her questions_

_"W-W-Wh...at...hap...p...en...ed...?"_

_"We're not sure actually... to be honest, we were hoping you could answer some of our questions too."_

**The girl's eyes furrowed together as though recalling something she didn't want to remember**

_"You were in pretty bad shape when we first found you along the road, the 'clothes' you wore were nothing but tattered rags and your hands were chained and legs shackled. Your arms, legs, back, your entire body looks like you had just escaped from a torture chamber there were wounds and scars EVERYWHERE, we healed everything to the best of our abilities but..."_

_The girl looked down..._

_"... I'm sorry..._

_"... we did manage to get rid of the infections from some of the really nasty ones and what we didn't have enough in skill we tried to make it up for with the potions but..."_

_"... some... some of the scars were just too old and... and healing artes can only heal and cure so much... and... "_

_"...I am so SO sorry..."_

Physical scars of years of that place

_"...I-It's...fi...ne..."_

**That... Nightmare...**

_Her hands clenched into fists, nails biting into the palm, forming grooves, making her bleed_

_If the girl noticed, she made no move to acknowledge it._

_"You should get some more rest, it may have been two days since you last woke, but you had been unconscious for a week from the time we found you before that."_

_'... A… we...ek...!?"_

_"Now I know you have questions and I promise I'll answer as many of them as I possibly can when you fully regain your ability to speak again…_

… _And I too have some questions I have been hoping you would be able to fill in the blanks for me as well, but for now, just focus on recovering"_

_The girl collected the tray and made to leave the room, but stopped short just of the entrance_

**"By the way... My name is Linda, Linda Fortman"**

 

* * *

 

_The next few days went by in the same manner, Linda would enter the room bringing her soup and water, everyday she would test out words and sounds from her throat in an attempt to regain her speech._

**It took another week before she could speak full sentences without feeling the strain on her throat.**

_Linda had been patient with her during her time of recovery, but now that she was slowly regaining her basic human abilities she decided that she would leave after she got her answers; no longer wanting to be an extra burden on these kind strangers._

_When she could finally speak coherently, she decided that she wanted her answers and beckoned for Linda after she was done with her meal that day_

_The string of questions had to begin somewhere, so it began with the most basic of questions..._

_"So, what is your name?"_

_That simple question gave her pause._

**What WAS her name?**

_She hadn't been called anything other than 'you' or other derogatory pronouns that the men had always referred to their prisoners for years._

_To the men, they were no more than animals, objects, and were treated as such..._

**...She couldn't remember her own name...**

_Her eyebrows creased together as she tries to dig deeper into her memories to come up with an answer_

_Her mind wanders to the last memory she's had of the place she grew up in..._

_The memory of the day she was told to run and escape from the burning town. That person had called her something_

...R...R...i...taa...

_**... Rita...?** _

_She rolled the sound of her name around in her head for a bit before forming the syllables with her lips_

_"... It's okay if you don't want to say or can't rememb-..."_

_"... Ri...ta..."_

_"... I'm sorry?"_

_"... Rita... My name is Rita... I think..."_

_"Any family name?"_

_Once again she dug through whatever she could remember and one name stood out particularly in her mind_

...Mordio...

_She wasn't sure if it was hers or if the name was someone else's, but the name had stuck out amongst her memories and she decided to stick with it._

_**Even if it wasn't hers...** _

... It didn't matter anymore... anyway...

_"... Mordio..."_

_"So... Rita Mordio... Am I right?"_

_**It sounded right, despite not knowing if it was her true name or not.** _

_She nods_

_"So Rita... I know you have some questions so... ask away"_

_"Where am I?"_

_"Currently? We're actually in a medical tent on the Tolbyccia Continent Somewhere away from the any of the major cities. After we found you, the mages decided that it was too dangerous to move you too much and found a clearing away from the herds to set up camp. We had been prepared to camp for days perhaps even weeks when we were called in anyway, so don't go feeling like you're responsible for stopping us"_

_"...We?"_

_"Oh, my mistake for forgetting to mention that first; we're mages from Aspio, we had been called in to investigate an incident involving abnormal aer activity in the area; a huge explosion followed by some tremors in the ground were reported from the city. Aspio was contacted and we were called in to investigate the source and report any findings. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?"_

_She narrowed her eyes and looked away as she took a deep breath, doing her best not to look into the young mage's eyes and diverting the question as best as she could_

… She didn't want to talk about it… not now at least...

_"So... you're a mage...?_

_"Oh no, I'm just an apprentice, my teacher was the one called in and she decided to bring me along for some field experience. Healers are usually called in as field medics just in case anything happens on the expedition."_

_"I see..."_

_"Anything else you'd like to ask?"_

_She shakes her head in response_

_"Okay, my turn then."_

_The girl takes in a deep breath as thought she were trying to gain the courage to ask a question she wasn't sure she wanted to know the answers to._

_"...What... What happened to you? When we found you it... it wasn't good... To be honest, we're all honestly surprised that you're actually making a full recovery. You were covered with wounds, your clothes, if you can even call them that, were speckled with dried blood. Not to mention that you were horribly malnourished, starved even and severely dehydrated. We hadn't expected you to live past the 3rd day. Especially with the number of infected wounds you had..."_

_"..."_

_"... Honestly... I don't really want to ask this but..."_

_The apprentice sighed_

_"... As I had mentioned earlier, we had been called in to investigate some abnormal aer activity in the area, The location was not entire specific but... About a couple hundred meters from here we found a... a cave... of sorts..."_

_**Her eyes widened and she froze in horror upon hearing the girl's words as she continued** _

_"... It... It wasn't a... It was a horribly gruesome sight... A few of us lost our meals to the ground when we came across it... T-There were bodies and blood all over the place, and even several body parts had littered the floors..."_

_She shuddered at the memory of that place, that horrible nightmare she thought she had escaped from... But she continued to listen as the girl struggled to get the words out._

_"...We went further in to investigate and we found that the cores of the bohdi blastia the men were equipped with were activated and the aer concentration of the area was also above average... and there was… and we... we also came across a table with blood splatters and a man's... umm... uhh… body part... lying on it... "_

_She closed her eyes, hoping to forget that image of that aforementioned man above her, the feeling of helplessness as she was restrained while he..._

_"... I... I don't know how to ask this but... did you... I mean, were you the one who escaped from there...?"_

_For a while, there was no reaction. Her mind trying yet failing to shut out the vivid nightmares of that place and Linda not knowing how to proceed knowing she had already stepped on a landmine. Just as the apprentice was about to give up from ever getting an answer from the girl, the young girl gave a faint nod and pulled her knees close to hug herself._

_"... Do you know what happened to cause such a chaotic mess in there...?"_

_"... I did..."_

_That answer shocked the healer apprentice; they had a feeling it might be the case when they found the girl not too far away from that macabre scene but to have their suspicions confirmed was another thing altogether. She was going to have to report this to her teacher about it later but for now it seemed like the had found the source of their investigation._

_"... Would you like to tell me how it happened?"_

_The young girl removed her face from between her knees and creased her eyebrows trying to recall anything she could_

_"... I... I'm not sure... actually... The last thing I remembered was being thrown onto the table and being restrained by the men while he tried to... to..."_

_She took a deep breath to calm herself_

_"... All I remember is feeling the desperation to escape, my mind ran a mile a minute with blastia formulas and algorithms praying that any one of them would react and…"_

_Linda didn't interrupt as she struggled to get the words out_

_"... and then when he... forced himself onto... into... me, I just screamed and... and then everything just went white…_

_... When I woke up... everyone was dead... Even those other women... t-they were innocent and I... I..._

_... I... killed them..."_

_Just as soon as the last words left her mouth, the realisation sets in and the dam broke._

_For the first time in years, she broke down as everything that she had endured and experienced over the past few years came crashing down on her. From the day she was made to leave and escape her town on her own as a young child, to the day she was betrayed by someone she thought she could grow to trust, and today when she realised that she had killed so many people, even though unintentionally, she had not only killed the villans, but she murdered innocents as well all because she could not control her emotions. Her hands were so stained with blood she didn't know if she could even wash it off_

_The healer apprentice had just sat there listening to the tale of the young girl... she was so young, yet had gone through so much more than most people would in a lifetime. Giving in to the urge to comfort the girl before her, she slowly approached her and drew her into her arms in a hug, allowing the girl to cry on her shoulder while she rubbed her back attempting to sooth her._

_It was a while before the crying died down and breathing slowed to a regular rhythm. By the time the she pulled the girl out of her arms, the young child was fast asleep having exhausted herself with crying._

_She tucked the girl back under and covers and left to report on to her teacher about confession of their charge._

_The next day she was called into the Mages' tent to confirm her story and confession. After they had heard from her, they were certain that the issue they had been called into to investigate had been resolved. They had explained to her then that what she had done was not entirely her fault as no one had taught her how to control her 'gift'._

_"You have an extraordinary affinity with aer and blastia, being able to calculate and formulate the algorithms at such a young age is unheard of. What happened in there was an accident, a tragic one no doubt, but an accident none the less. You may not have heard of the term, but when your emotions went berserk with terror and desperation, you triggered the overlimit ability that the bandits had innate in their possession and all those formulas and algorithms you had recalled were, in a matter of fact, spells of elemental nature. Just so as you had reached out to the blastia, they had reacted to you, albeit in a violent manner."_

_"Blastia is a device that helps to amplify and retain skills that a user had already learned, this also include elemental magic spells and formulas. However, unlike with strength enhancement skills or physical attack and weapon skills which can be gain simply by equiping the required equipment, new elemental magic has to first have their formulas embedded into the blastia first before it can be used without the need of a formula. Which is exactly what had happened in that situation; the bohdi blastia the bandits were equipped with only had weapon and physical attribute skills. In your attempt to get the blastia to react to you, you had unintentionally imprinted the blastia with the formulas and were thus at your disposal there on forth._

_Blastia is naturally a reactant according to its wearer's will. Which is how we can tap into the skills that have already been imbedded in a blastia once without then need of thinking up the right formulas everytime. not everyone has an affinity with magic, yet some fighters are able to use basic spells without knowing the formulas for it. The reason for that lies in the fact that said skills were already imprinted into the blastia._

_Usually however, bohdi blastia only reacts to their wearer and no one else, same with magic, but when the aer concentration goes above a certain level, even the most experienced of mages can lose control of their spells and magic._

_The aer concentration in that cave had been rather high and it is actually a wonder that you have managed to survive in it for so long. Anyway, that was what caused the bohdi blastia to be even more reactive than usual. That, on top of your natural affinity with aer and blastia had caused it to react to the surge of emotions and resulted in... well that incident in the cave..."_

_She bowed her head lower in shame remembering the incident_

_"Raise your head child, while you are not blameless, it is not entirely your fault. Tell me, what is your name?"_

_"... Rita Mordio..."_

_Her voice soft and hesitant with guilt_

_"Don't feel ashamed child. You have been proven a prodigy at your young age, however you lack the control required of your skill and it appears that you have not been taught it at all. Young Rita Mordio, we are proposing that you return with us to Aspio; there, we may find a teacher to guide you in the ways of a mage and how to control your 'gift'."_

**She remembers that voice failed her, and all she could do was nod.**

_The rest of the days and months passed in a blur, she remembers being introduced to an elderly man, a master of his craft, his name she no longer recalls. He taught her how to control the amount of aer she conducts through her blastia after several incidents where they miscalculated her affinity with the aer and it destroyed down a research facility or two._

_She must have apologised over a hundred times over that mistake._

_He simply laughed it off and told her that it happens sometimes with new apprentices and to not worry._

_They affixed a limiter formula into her blastia choker after that day_

_She stayed with him during the course of her apprenticeship._

**He was like a grandfather to her.**

_He was her teacher until he got severely ill_. _He taught her everything he knew and she picked everything up as though she had been a blastia mage for years._

_**He passed two years later, age had finally caught up with him.** _

_She had also still kept in contact with Linda, who after a year from their first meeting, had finally graduated from her apprenticeship. The two met occasionally, just doing research together, or just sitting for a chat. They didn't have a horribly close relationship, but she was probably the closest thing she had to a friend._

 

_And then that accident at expedition to aer krene happened._

_**And she lost Linda too.** _

 

_By then she was already considered a master, and had built quite a reputation for herself as the youngest genius blastia Mage in existence._ _She continued to stay on in the shack her teacher used to live in. But refurbished it with her own stuff and added a second floor with some help._

… **It may not be home… but it was the closest she's had in a long time…**

_She threw herself into her research then, finishing up whatever her predecessor had left behind and pcking up and starting up new projects along the way._ _Everything from figuring out new ways to improve the aer to blastia conversion efficiency, to working out new formulas or simply digging up old texts to read up on ancient blastia and the mythical beliefs of the Rizomata Formula._

_She would find excuses and take up research expeditions from the capital just to get away from her memories._

_The nightmares came and went, but she had found a way to deal with them._

_Her tempers got worse as she started hitting puberty, everyone started leaving her alone then._

_There were days when everything from grief to frustration caught up to her and she blew up..._

_Literally..._

**That was when it started wasn't it? That was when she gained a new reputation as a weirdo.**

_She didn't trust the other mages, she knew they didn't like her anyway._

_And then came that fateful day when THEY barged into her house, calling her a thief_

And she threw a fireball at them

_She remembers that her first impression of the princess was that the girl reminded her of Linda..._

She closes her eyes and allows her subconsciosness to claim her...

 

* * *

 

The familiar wood ceiling of the cabin in the Fiertia stares back at her.

She realises it's still dark out.

_**She blinks at the ceiling, and realises that it was all just a dream.** _

It's been awhile since she dreamt of her memories so vividly...

_**... Or whatever little she remembers of them anyway...** _

Knowing she's not going to be getting anymore sleep for now, she climbs out of her cot and heads for the deck.

She leans on the rails, staring out into the distance over the port side of the deck while she muses over how the ocean is as black if not darker as the night sky it reflects.

"Couldn't sleep too?"

She does even have to turn to the source of the voice to know who it is

"... Just the usual... issues..."

"Nightmares?"

"Close..."

"...?"

"Memories..."

The stillness of the night and the quiet ocean breeze is all the passes between them for a while.

"... Do you want to talk about it?"

"..."

"Well... I'm having trouble sleeping to. Everytime they're there... Ragou, Cumore and Bar-"

"You're not the only one with blood on their hands..."

The sudden interruption comes as a surprise to him

"... I...I've... killed, too. Pfft, not that they didn't deserve it. It was accidental"

"!?"

**A self depreciating laugh at his speechlessness**

"At least you didn't get any innocents dragged into your mess"

She states it like it was a matter of fact and ends it there. Surprised that her voice sounds steadier than the struggle she had felt to get those words out

"... Rita..."

"So don't go thinking you're the only one..."

Deciding that it was enough heart to heart for the day she turns to make her way back to the cabins.

Just as she was turning to leave he grabbed onto her arm

"Rita"

"..."

Her eyes followed the hand up the arm and back to its owner

"...How... How did you get over it?"

She stared directly into his eyes as gave him his answer

"I never said that I did"

She sighed and moved to remove his grip from her arm, once again turning to look over the deck into the night sky, returning to her previous position.

"...I still dream about it... sometimes you know..."

"... Tonight...?"

"... Yeah..."

She senses him moving closer to her, they were almost standing shoulder to shoulder now.

She feels the heat of his body through the clothing, warm in contrast with the cool ocean night breeze.

Her body now familiar to his warmth, his scent, is starting to react; already knowing how this is going to end judging from their current... position.

As innocent as it may seem now, the distance between them was slowly but surely closing in.

She tries to distract herself by talking, rambling to buy time despite the electricity she can already feel running through her veins just by being in such close proximity to him.

"... I... Lost control... The first time I performed magic, it was completely accidental... I was... I was in a bad situation, and in my panic I triggered overlimit in the surrounding blastia without knowing it... The result... was not pretty..."

_**Trying her best to cool the heat that's already starting to warm her up in more ways than one** _

"... So that's why..."

"You've probably realised by now some of my incantations are completely original, the bigger the spell the longer I create the incantation to focus my control on the spell..."

It finally made sense to him, the first time he heard Rita's chanting he had thought it something all mages did... Until he met enemy mages and realised that some of Rita's incantations were completely original...

**It started to make more and more sense as to why Rita's casting and incantations were so much longer sometimes.**

"... More effort goes into fire based spells because of my affinity with the element apparently..."

Now that he thinks about it, he's realised that the number of Rita's fireballs whenever she casts them has increased significantly in number compared to when they first met... Not to mention the new spells she has that he hasn't see any other mage perform before.

"...Heh... How ironic..."

He watches as her expression twists into one of pain and sadness and chooses not to prod further; instead he places a hand on her shoulder in a sign of comfort.

The warmth that passes through his hand and into her body makes her take a shuddering breath and her body reacts and and a shiver runs up her spine at his touch.

She turns to look at him. A small smile forms on her lips, thanking him for being there.

She thinks of how ironic it was that she had initially started sharing a bit about her past in an attempt to lighten his burden but ended up being the one comforted by him instead.

He returns her smile. They stay like that for a while before his smile starts to fade as he moves closer towards her; the hand on her shoulder moving to the back of her head as a support while he presses a kiss onto her forehead...

He pulls away and she looks up at him

The way he looks at her makes her wonder if her face betrays the fear she feels

He leans in again for another...

_**This time to her lips** _

She shut her eyes and simply accepts, leaning into him. She opens her mouth slightly to return the kiss

_And feels his teeth pull on her lower lip_

Her mouth opens wider and she feels his tongue play at her lips.

_The slight ticklish sensation sends a shiver down her spine._

_**It is times like these that confuse her.** _

There are days when he is rough, when he forces her down into the mattress of whichever inn they are in, barely bothering to undress before he starts pushing himself into her, making her tether the fine line between pain and pleasure during times where she's barely prepared enough to accommodate him; and he barely looks at her face even as he takes her n a ferocious manner that makes all their clothing chafe against skin because of friction and it hurts and there are marks left in unnoticeable places and he bites into her skin hard enough to draw blood…

_He doesn't even try to kiss her during days like these and she knows she is simply an outlet for him to vent. A possession for him to mark as his simply to keep him anchored._

_**And she lets him** _

There are those days when he pushes her up against a wall and takes her hard and fast and she claws and bites into his clothes to cover up her moans when he isn't smothering her mouth with his own to help her mask the sounds. And he simply takes and takes and takes all of her over and over again until he is satisfied and spent.

_He doesn't even look at her during days like those and it convinces her that she is a replacement for that someone else he is imagining in the moment._

_**She has an idea who exactly, it's not much of a mystery after the she saw them that night in Mantaic…** _

There are also those days where he seems to know that she is the one who needs to vent and he seeks her out or simply goes to where he knows she would be and lets her dictate the intensity of their encounter according to her current disposition and it usually ends up being somewhere between rough and loving and it confuses the hell out of her because she knows she means nothing to him and yet he sometimes treats her as though she does and she knows it's not true but she is happy during those times and...

**... And then there are days like these where he is gentle, treating her as a lover would;**

Pressing soft and gentle kisses to her face and her lips, his tongue playful and teasing; his hands firm and calloused yet patient, rough yet soft at the same time, running down her body, touching her like she was something precious. The pads of his fingers sinking into her skin as though he was marveling at the softness of it...

His hands would reach for her sash, loosening it just enough to be able to part her robes. While her neck was a hand off zone, not wanting to allow the others even a hint of their immorality, he had free reign over her shoulders and chest; there he would sink his teeth in and leave his marks on the sensitive skin around her breast and collarbone. And she loves the feeling of his hands and mouth on her the way his touch electrifies every single nerve in her body making her beg for more of his touch and she's drowning in his scent, his touch and...

_**... She doesn't know what she feels for him, doesn't want to put a name to it… yet...** _

Her emotions are a jumble when it comes to him...

_**Her thoughts turn incoherent** _

What she feels doesn't make sense to her.

She knows they are comrades... friends, even.

But their current... situation... complicates things so much further

She didn't have any feelings for him when she first started... sleeping... with him…

_**So what's changed now...?** _

 

_. . ._

 

She feels his tongue prodding into her mouth as his hands reached lower and lower, the pads of his finger sinking into the soft skin as he coaxes a moan out of her.

_He runs his hand up and down her thigh in a gentle caress..._

The other hand moving up to her face to angle it and his thumb pushing down on her chin to open her mouth a little wider...

**She loses herself in the sensations and her mind wanders to when it all started**

_To when she got trapped in this whole affair and the web of lies came entangled with it..._

 

**_...That first time when they had built a rapport between them only to somehow end up falling into bed together with him sometime back in Heliord..._ **

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was SUPPOSED to be released during Christmas or at least New Years... got delayed severely due to life. Tried to make it in time for Valentines... failed that too...  
> Gave up waiting for proofreaders and editing to be done, posted without any major edits.  
> Sorry... Will try to make a much more satisfactory chapter the next time

**Author's Note:**

> After 8 years of its initial creation, I have finally decided to publish this. I know this fandom is almost dead, but I realised that in order for me to get any sort of progress with this fic, I needed to post it up to gain motivation to continue.


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